Not So Merry & Bright? How to Handle Holiday Stress

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy filled with warm lights, decorations, good food, gift exchanges, and time with loved ones. But in reality, this time of year can be much more complicated. Many people carry a mix of excitement and heaviness throughout the season. Between pressures to “be happy,” the financial strain of celebrations, complicated family relationships, and the simple exhaustion of doing so much in such a short period of time, it’s no wonder the holidays can feel overwhelming. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed during the holidays, you’re far from alone.

The gap between what we expect the holidays to be and what they actually feel like often creates emotional tension. Social media, movies, and traditions send the message that everyone else is having a perfect, peaceful holiday, but when in reality, most people are navigating stress and emotional ups and downs behind the scenes. It’s normal to feel joy in one moment and completely drained the next. Being “home for the holidays” can bring comfort, but it can also bring up old roles, unresolved conflicts, or memories that are painful. The holidays can stir up grief, loneliness, and reminders of change, especially if a loved one is missing or if family dynamics have shifted.

Holiday Travel Stress

For many, holiday travel adds even more weight. Traveling to see family often involves financial planning, long drives or crowded airports, disrupted routines, and physical exhaustion. Staying in someone else’s home can make it hard to rest or feel grounded. Even when the trips are worth it, it’s common to feel overstimulated and drained.

Ways to cope:

• Build rest into your travel plans (try not to overschedule)

• Create a simple packing checklist

• Set expectations with family ahead of time

• Budget realistically and communicate limits

• Bring comfort items (headphones, a book, warm clothes, snacks)

• Give yourself grace — travel is exhausting

Understanding the Holiday Blues

Seasonal changes can also play a role. Shorter days, less sunlight, and cold weather can contribute to the “holiday blues,” leaving people feeling less energized or more emotionally vulnerable. These feelings can show up as irritability, sadness, low motivation, or a sense of disconnection, especially when paired with the pressure to be cheerful all season long.

Signs you may be experiencing holiday blues:

• Low energy

• Irritability

• Feeling disconnected

• Sleep changes

• Low motivation

Coping strategies:

• Get natural light daily (even 10 minutes helps)

• Maintain simple routines

• Prioritize rest

• Move your body gently

• Reach out to someone you trust

• Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up

Navigating Family Dynamics & Setting Boundaries

Being “home for the holidays” can bring comfort, but can also be challenging. Family gatherings, while meaningful, can also be emotionally complex. Old patterns might resurface, uncomfortable topics may come up, or past conflicts might feel closer to the surface. Setting boundaries during the holidays is an act of self-care, not disrespect. That might mean limiting how long you stay somewhere, stepping outside for a few minutes of quiet, or gently shifting a conversation that feels uncomfortable. It’s okay to say, “ I’m happy to be here, but I need a quick break,”“I need a moment,” “Let’s skip that topic,” or “I’m not able to commit to that this year.” Healthy boundaries protect your well-being and help you stay grounded in environments that might otherwise feel overwhelming.

Coping With Financial Pressure

Financial stress is another major, but often unspoken, part of the season. The cost of travel, meals, gifts, events, and missed work can add up quickly. Many people feel pressure to give more than they can afford or to match what others are doing. It’s important to remember that meaningful holidays don’t require overspending. While it may feel embarrassing, it’s incredibly common.

Ways to reduce pressure:

• Suggest family gift swaps or spending limits

• Try meaningful but affordable gifts (handwritten notes, baked goods, photo prints)

• Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to what you give

Self-Care During the Holidays

Taking care of yourself during the holidays doesn’t have to be complicated. Small moments of rest can make a big difference: stepping away to breathe, spending a few minutes outside, drinking water, listening to calming music, or simply permitting yourself to slow down. If you’re staying with others, remind yourself that you are still allowed to take breaks, protect your energy, and take care of your needs.

Recovering After the Holidays

Once the holidays are over, many people experience a “post-holiday crash.” After weeks of stimulation, planning, family time, and emotional highs and lows, your body and mind may need time to catch up. It can be helpful to ease gently into your normal routine instead of rushing back into a full schedule. Decluttering your space, resting without guilt, taking time to reflect on what went well and what felt challenging, and resetting your budget without shame can all support the recovery process. Journaling can help bring clarity. Reflecting on questions like “What felt meaningful?”, “What drained me?” or “What do I want to do differently next year?” can help you approach future holidays with greater intention.

Loneliness & Grief During the Holidays

For those navigating loneliness or grief, the season can be especially tender. Missing someone, being far from family, or experiencing the first holiday after a major life change can make everything feel heavier. It’s okay to allow those emotions to be present without forcing yourself to appear cheerful. Creating your own traditions, even small ones, can provide comfort and connection. Lighting a candle, writing a message to someone you miss, planning a virtual call, or spending time with chosen family can help this season feel a little less isolating.

Final Thoughts

Remember that you’re allowed to shape the holidays in a way that fits you. Traditions can evolve, boundaries can shift, and your needs deserve acknowledgment. The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

If the emotional weight of the season lingers for more than a few weeks or begins to affect your daily life, reaching out to a mental health professional can offer support. There is nothing wrong with needing additional help during or after the holidays because you deserve care, compassion, and space to process your experiences.

Ultimately, the holidays can be joyful, stressful, comforting, overwhelming, and everything in between. With intention, boundaries, and gentle self-care, you can navigate the season in a way that honors your well-being. You deserve peace and moments of genuine connection both during the holidays and long after they end.